Eyes Wide Shut

31 Aug

There comes a time in every woman’s life in her relationship where the alarms, bells and whistles go off about something that rings amiss in her dearest of loves…..oh the agony.  We cannot deny the power of a woman’ s intuition as the unexplainable is crystal clear to us…..yes we can smell lies and deception from a mile away fellas. I wrote this song several years ago in spurts as the inspiration came from a strange altercation I had with an ex; after the altercation I went to sleep and the verse and hook of this song came to mind.  I remember feeling like a victim in a sense, but at the time I knew the relationship and all its’ glory was on the wane.  Sometimes a break-up takes years in the making before it is truly finalized and the actual verbal goodbyes are stated. This song affirms my experience where it felt like a “Cold War” where we were strangers to each other, and we both seemed ok with it. The things we did not say seemed stronger than those we did.

I recorded the song as a scratch vocal using Aaliyah’s “Try Again” as a background until I get an original track and get it professionally recorded. I mess around a lot with such tracks just so get my creative chops flowing, so here ya go.

Verse 1: There are tragedies in this war, words are barely spoken…. and there’s shut doors, and yes we’ve gone through this times before…..but there is something different I can’t ignore

Bridge: Stop pretending you don’t see the crazy way you handle me, give me an answer.  Houston we have a problem I don’t want to solve…give me an answer.

Hook: So do I walk around with my eyes wide shut, knowing there’s something wrong, got me feeling messed up…..when I’m searching my heart I can feel…. all those things you don’t say, you don’t say to me.  So do I walk around with my eyes wide shut knowing there’s something wrong got me feeling messed up….when I’m searching my heart I can feel all those things

Verse 2; There are casualties in this war, when words are barely spoken…..the heart it can’t endure…as yes we’ve gone through this times before…… hurt me to the core, what you do that for….

Bridge: Stop pretending you don’t see the crazy way you handle me, give me an answer, Houston we have a problem I don’t want to solve give me an answer

Bridge: Talk to me let me know what you’re feeling… you and me are…in need of healing….. I don’t know what we’re fighting for …..I just want to put down these weapons of war.

Thank you for taking the time to hear me out for those who support and listen, I appreciate you more than you know.

Love Ness. : )

The Apple

27 Jul

I continue to write, in the midst of 2 jobs, meetings, clients, my life, 5 cats and everything, lol….., this is a necessity; writing is like breathing to me. My latest song I just finished in the studio is called The Apple.  I had been working on it off and on for several years and found everything I needed to get it done recently. The song is about dating and how much I hate it, but also how I as woman have to struggle with temptation. Summer Walker says it best…..”Girls need love too”…..sooooooo….   : )     I struggle with the labels and the “idea” that a good girl is supposed to wait for love…..but then again who says I’m always a good girl…lol…but to wait and keep on waiting is where it makes me feel like its’ never gonna happen.  It can drive the mind crazy in some ways. I am certain that I am not alone in my feelings.  This blog is my personal liner notes to those who choose to hear.

Verse 1: I’ve been alone for too long, and my heart ain’t got a home, don’t want to be out on my own. But I don’t like the dating scene, people ain’t really who they say they be and then they end up disappointing me.. He whispers in my ear, words deliciously insincere, so what am I doing here?

Hook:Well do I bite into the apple and give into my temptation even though I know the fruit is so sweet, or do I wait and keep on waiting for the perfect invitation from the one who’ll make my heart complete. Tell me tell me tell me should I bite into the apple, tell me tell tell tell me. Tell me tell me tell me should I bite into the apple, I got to know.

Verse 2: Love’s been elusive to my grasp, everybody moves too fast such a pain in my ass, but I don’t like the dating scene, people aint really who they say they be. I wanna choke out all my enemies. Memories of lovers lane, has left my mind totally insane. Could I be the one to blame.

Hook:Well do I bite into the apple and give into my temptation even though I know the fruit is so sweet, or do I wait and keep on waiting for the perfect invitation from the one who’ll make my heart complete. Tell me tell me tell me should I bite into the apple, tell me tell tell tell me. Tell me tell me tell me should I bite into the apple,

Bridge: Tell me should I give into all the things I wanna do, all that glitters isn’t gold, but I just need someone to hold me tight and whisper in my ear and yes his words will be sincere, and all he’ll do is love me…..love me…love me….he’ll just love me.

I am very proud to present this song to all of you, I hope you enjoy my baby, follow me on instagram, I am jhotwriter.


The Committal Stance

5 Aug

In an effort to get things done I’ve started searching for tracks I can buy outright and found the perfect site for my needs so far. They have exclusive royalty free tracks…..yeah!  jeejuh.com it is, they also do custom beats but that is a pricey one for me at this time.  I am in the process of revisiting a song I wrote with my friend Erin Jackson called Remember You. I wrote it for my mother and my nephew who have been gone for 11 and 12 years now.  I found a really good track for it that I purchased and am going to record it once Mercury goes forward. (my own astrology quirk) The need to create is like breathing, and the balance of work life and the life your soul calls you towards has been a major conflict with which I need to come to terms. I’ve been excited about my music for many years and admit that the drive never leaves, but every time I make time for myself something or someone comes calling for something and a part of me feels aggravated as hell…but once again this is my own fault for not taking better care of my time and giving too much of me away to others.  Building the dreams of others is cool, but I have dreams and things of my own that I need to work on without distractions.   I recently went to see one of my musical friends do a show and it was amazing and inspiring and while there I reconnected to another musical friend who asked me what I was doing with my music and I told her I what I was in the process of doing. She also reflected with me how the regular job thing will never be as satisfying as what speaks to your soul. I felt like I was hearing the words of my sister in my ears as she says the same thing.  She reminded me to stop doing all of that for others and to do me…meaning my own original music unapologetically and fearlessly.  I can’t give all of  me away and expect to have something to give at the end of the day, that has been a problem…mental exhaustion. I am more than a counselor and I need to hear some good news to feel what I do matters….. Well music never disappoints me and it lets me play, with words, sounds, ideas , etc….therapy, expression…. I am excited as I am about to learn more about garage band and explore more options in recording.  I have to learn how to manage my time better and rethink what is priority and what is not.  I have been my worst enemy is this process as my own thinking has been awry…….work in progress, this person called Janessa and all of her creations……Taking more of a committal stance in my own life and goals.

“Crying” and Other New Music

1 Jan

I am excited about going back into the studio soon. I have many original songs, but I will be recording one called “Crying” I got the track from allroundabeats.com and leased it…..I am like, wow it fit my song perfectly and gives it the sound I had been wanting.  I feel like this song is really one that defines my diversity as a writer and I like putting on my pop vocalist persona too. There is a part of me that feels old school when it comes to writing and do not necessarily want to be trendy. We all as songwriters want to feel our style is more original than what we hear on mainstream radio. I think this means finding a way to stay true to yourself and try not to sound or be like anyone else. How can you touch your own heart, go so deep and then come back and throw some comic cynicism in the mix. Bringing out your inner masterpiece is so personal,  because every song that you create from your heart has a place, you just have to put it out there for the scrutiny, the love, the hate, the critic, those who don’t write, etc etc.  I know what I have to offer is good I just have not done the work to make my dreams fully work and I have no one to blame but myself. But for as long as I have breath in my body I will make strides to complete what I have started.   I wrote a song called Keep it To Myself a few years back and started the track and had to stop because my producer had other pressing commitments, so I have a foundation to finish and have to get this recorded.  God help me I will do so. (I feel like Scarlett O’Hara in that last sentence….lol) Anyhoo, it will get done.     Blessings!

Can’t Stop….I Just Can’t…..

3 Oct

I have been on a bit of a hiatus, though I have some songs that need to be recorded.  I’ve entered some songwriting contests over the past few months (one a few weeks ago)just to keep myself in the loop. I know some will say well as a songwriter you should not enter such contests and yes I paid to enter my song, yes, yes. Well, my mindset is I do whatever it takes to keep me motivated, and this has been an avenue for me to continue on. I’m also thinking about going back to my songwriter forums for the group support.I forgot how nice it was to feel you have a songwriter home as I used to frequent these venues weekly.  The only thing that I would like to see is more information being relayed regarding the business side of things, without it we are dreamers floating….(that’s another subject….lol.)  Music and lyrics will always be a part of me and since these things keeps coming to and through me, which it does in dreams etc, then I’m guessing God is not through with me yet in this arena.  I know I have to carry on even with my own doubts and the reality of bills….lol.

I have a really good friend of mine  who is also from Buffalo her name is Jo she is also an an aspiring songwriter; she is awesome. We share notes and vibe back and forth with each other about our songs and our muses.  I have to give it to her she is a beast in her writing style because she comes home everyday and forces herself to write,which has made her craft a habit; even with a 9 to 5 day job. Needless to say she is truly inspiring.  I write when my spirit and inspiration hit me ,the process comes from feelings, dreams, or impressions that I got from a situation and usually a hook will pop up when I’m freestyle singing and then BAM!!!   a whole verse will come.  I have to be more appreciative of my gift and where and how to use it….all I know is that it won’t go away so I can’t stop…..I just can’t !

Debuting My Baby…..How Did I Get Here/Chasing Dreams

30 Apr

Wow how time flies; I have been waiting to put this song out there for you guys to hear for what?…….it seems like forever. I wrote this song in 2011, yep and it had so many glitches….It just seemed that way……from starting with one producer to ending with another who actually finished the job to my total liking. WIlliam Hanniford Lee….you rock!  Anyway, now you get the chance to judge for yourself as I let my baby out there for you all to hear……..

Here are the lyrics

“I am a fool standing on a precipice, thinking of how my life could be

do I jump into the abyss….living life without a care and now I’m standing here gotta make a choice and figure out what’s next

“Cause I been chasing dreams elusively I want to have my way and all the things I thought would satisy me, they crashed and burned to no return….they crashed and burned to no return”…..

“How did I get here…where am I going now…so many questions that I wanna know now….How did I get here, where do I go now…so many questions”………..

What did I do…did I make a mess of this…standing on the edge of tomorrow, drowning in all of my sorrow….pondering on the bittersweet has made my heart grow weak….my medicine man is far away I need to see his face.

“Cause I been chasing dreams elusively my spirit wants to breathe…and all the things I thought would satisfy me they crashed and burned to no return….. cause I been chasing dreams elusively I want to have my…..and all the things that I thought would satisfy me they crashed and burned to no return…they crashed an burned to no return.”

“I gotta find the answers to the questions in my mind….these memories are killing me, they etched in space and time….everything happens for a reason this I truly know…it’s time for me to grow into the woman I should know.”

When I wrote this I was going through a mid-life crisis….lol and I think that this song will resonate with anyone who is trying to find themselves and are questioning their core foundations…..anyhow, enough of “Janessa’s liner notes”……. I’m about to upload this song to Soundcloud for you……Blessings! 

Keep On Moving

14 Apr

At times I feel like I’m spinning my wheels in my quest for getting these songs recorded and “out” there. I question myself even though I know what I have to offer is valid. Why do I do this to myself? Is this just a songwriter’s rite of passage? These children of mine I love so much and want them to be just as loved and accepted as I love and accept them……..Is there such thing as musical perfection? Maybe, but it’s all in perception and in the ear of the listener. What I will not do is allow these “children” of mine to sit back in the shadows. I’m not a quitter, a procrastinator yes, but a total quitter NO. So what if I miss the mark, at least I’m playing the game right? That’s the spirit Ness, and with that I know that I will never give up I can’t…….It will pain me to do so…. so I will continue, even when I have my doubtful moments. I am being very transparent right now with my thoughts and who I am in what I do. I have no shame in my game about how I do what I do, this creative process lingers and swells in me and with that ….. I carry on……to the studio I go Thursday…….Wish me luck!